Potions
by Rotfang-Conspiracist
Summary: Snapshots of Severus's school years, and his relationship with Lily. Not exactly spoilers, but expected that you know their story  from the pensieve .


**AN: Hello. I haven't posted anything in a while, but this has been on my computer for ages, so I thought I might publish it. It actually happens to be the first piece of fanfiction I ever wrote, back when I barely knew what fanfic was I wrote this down by hand, on a holiday. **

**Snapshots of the relationship of Snape and Lily, though not the ones in the books (obviously). Focus on Severus. **

**Potions**

_1_

Severus looked down at his timetable. Potions next. To be quite honest, he thought potions was likely to be a waste of time. What could you do with a potion that you couldn't do faster with a wand?

And it was with the Gryffindors. He frowned slightly. He was glad to have a chance to see Lily, even if it was only across a classroom. He'd only had time to say a brief hello to Lily after Transfiguration – the only other lesson they'd had together. But he watched her all the time. He could see her now, laughing with some other girls at the Gryffindor table. He could almost hear that laughter, and he found himself strangely envious of the girls at her table.

But being with the Gryffindors would also mean being with Black and Potter, and as far as he was concerned, the less time he spent near those two, the happier he would be. Since their argument on the train, Black and Potter had gone out of their way to trip him up, to bang into him in the corridors, to make loud comments about his…

'Is it just me James, or is Snivellus's hair looking a little greasy today,' said a loud voice behind him.

'Y'know Sirius, I think you have a point. Maybe we should wash it for him.'

Severus turned, anger rising up inside him. Black and Potter were standing there, identical grins on their carefree faces. And Black was holding…

'Aaargghhh.' Severus yelled as the jug of pumpkin juice poured over himself. He stood up, juice dripping unpleasantly from the end of his nose. He grabbed for his wand, pointing at them, his hands shaking with anger and humiliation.

'What're you gonna do Snivellus? Curse us?' asked Black mockingly.

Severus gripped his wand, trying desperately to think of a spell he'd learnt that would cause them pain, or even just discomfort. But before he could think of anything, Professor McGonagall had stormed up to them.

'What, ' she said, her nostrils flaring and her mouth a thin line, 'is going on here.' And, before Severus could say anything at all, Black had launched into an explanation.

'We were just taking this jug of pumpkin juice to…er'

'Our friend Remus, in the hospital wing,' supplied James,

'and we…tripped over and it landed on poor Snape here.'

'We did try to say we were sorry, but…' Potter gestured at Severus, who still had his wand pointed threateningly at them. He hastily shoved it into his pocket, but McGonagall rounded on him.

'5 points from Slytherin, Mr Snape. We do not point wands without provocation,' she snapped, then dried him with a flick of her own wand. Colour tinged Severus' cheeks as they walked away, Potter and Black looking back with smirks on their faces. Angry thoughts squirmed through his head like writhing snakes. How dare she? Of all the presumptions…didn't even ask for his opinion…accepted Black and Potter's absurd story… Gryffindors all seemed to have a completely intolerable arrogance. Except Lily of course. His expression softened as he thought of her.

Severus only arrived just in time for Potions, having decided that it wouldn't be sensible to be in the same room as Black and Potter unless a teacher was also present. At least, not until he'd looked up some decent curses.

He sat down with Avery and Nott, just as Slughorn walked into the room. Severus fished around for his second-hand copy of 'Magical Drafts and Potions.' Slughorn then proceeded to make a rather bumbling speech about the wonders of potion-making. Deciding that Slughorn wasn't saying anything worth listening to, Severus directed his attention towards the Gryffindors.

Lily was concentrating hard on Slughorn, and seemed to be drinking in every word. Her red hair was tied back in a high ponytail to keep it from falling in front of her face. He remembered how that hair had gleamed under the dying sun on one of the nights they had sat in her garden, talking in excited whispers about Hogwarts. Lily had changed his opinions of the school. Before, Hogwarts had merely been an escape from his warring parents, and his humdrum life in the muggle world. Lily had brought it alive, cast a spell that made the castle gleam with magic and secrets just waiting to be discovered. Her enthusiasm had infected even him. He'd enjoyed telling her everything he could, and watching her grow more excited about the world he had always taken for granted.

But now she was in Gryffindor, and he was a Slytherin. He imagined her housemates whispering to her, reciting the dark reputation of Slytherin house and its occupants. What if they couldn't be friends? He looked to the table next to hers. Black and Potter were there, along with two other boys. One was podgy with a round, unattractive face. But he was smiling nervously at Potter. The other boy - with another apprehensive smile - was very pale, with smudges under his eyes. Severus guessed that this was the Remus who had been in the hospital wing.

He turned back to Slughorn, who was now giving them their task.

'A potion to cure warts,' he said jovially. ' This potion, along with its sisters which cure boils and blisters, is one of the simplest potions around. It's easy to brew, and, for first years like yourselves, is less likely to cause unpleasant side affects than using charms.' He then flicked his wand at the blackboard, where instructions appeared. Then he moved his wand in a long sweeping motion at the cauldrons, causing flames to appear beneath them. 'Just until you can conjure fire yourselves of course,' he said with a laugh.

Severus reached for his potions ingredients and looked at the board.

Crush 5 ounces of nettles.

He scanned the rest of the instructions and decided that this was going to be painfully dull. Quickly he got to work. Only on the third line of instructions did he realise he was actually enjoying himself.

This was beautifully easy, uncomplicated. It was simply logical, like doing maths. He'd always liked maths during his brief span at primary school. It made sense. He looked at the ingredients, assessing why each one was needed. Some had obvious properties, others were just there to counteract unpleasant side affects. He worked steadily.

He allowed his surface thoughts to wander while his hands were chopping or crushing. He heard small explosions, saw sparks and bubbles flying around. He felt slightly confused. How idiotic would you have to be to get this wrong? Glancing over at Nott's potions he saw that it was a sickly orange colour. He must have missed something out, the fool. The potion wasn't supposed to be orange.

Near the end of the lesson, Slughorn began to walk around the dungeon, commenting on everyone's work. Severus watched as he walked round the Gryffindors. Both Potter's and Black's efforts were pronounced as 'good'. The ugly boy's potion was 'passable' and Remus was told that his needed work, though in a clearly kind voice. Severus guessed that Slughorn knew that Remus had been in the hospital wing too.

Slughorn continued, glancing, commenting and then moving on, until he came to Lily's cauldron. He looked into it, sniffed, and straightened up, beaming.

'Excellent Miss Evans, simply excellent.' Lily looked startled. 'A perfect potion, which I must say is quite a feat for a first time potioneer. Take 5 points for Gryffindor.' Lily grinned at her friends at their table.

Slughorn walked over to the Slytherins. He reached Severus's cauldron last. Again he beamed round at the class and proclaimed 'Why Miss Evans, I do believe you have a rival. Another perfect potion. 5 points to Slytherin.'

Slughorn glanced at his watch and then looked around the room. 'Well pack away then, pack away. For homework I want you all to pick one ingredient in this potion and write half a foot on its properties and uses in potion making, to be handed in on your next lesson.'

Severus watched as Slughorn strode over to Lily and struck up a conversation. He couldn't hear, but he saw Slughorn exclaim in shock when she told him something. They talked for a little longer and then Slughorn walked back to his desk, and Lily started for the door.

Severus looked around at the rapidly emptying classroom, then grabbed his bag and rushed over to her, his heart thumping.

'Lily…' he began tentatively, but he was cut short when she threw her arms around him.

'Oh Severus, it's been ages since we last spoke, don't you think it's amazing here, everything's so magical,' she said in a rush.

He grinned, how could he have thought, even for a moment, that she wouldn't want to talk to him.

They walked out of the classroom together, Lily chattering happily about the sorting, the feast, her new friends, lessons, and Severus listened, drinking in the sound of her voice. But he talked as well, more than he had spoken to any of his fellow Slytherins.

Outside the great hall she turned to him, saying 'And you're my _rival_ Sev.' He grinned back at her.

'Potions is easy.'

'It is quite…relaxing,' she said. He felt a warm glow. She understood!

'Yes, exactly. Its so beautifully methodical.' There was a pause. 'What was Slughorn saying to you at the end?' he asked.

'Oh, he just asked who my parents were, and I said that he wouldn't have heard of them because they're non-magical – (Lily still didn't seem able to call her family muggles, despite Severus telling her it wasn't offensive) – and he was all shocked at that, but still impressed.'

Severus thought before replying. 'Well, like I said, it doesn't affect your school work.'

She gave him a sunny smile. 'I love it here. But I'm really glad I met you before coming. Some of this stuff, it's so confusing, and I know some of the other... muggle-borns are struggling. But I'm not, because I knew what to expect. And I practiced using a quill!' She laughed, and Severus felt like an inextinguishable fire had been lit inside him. Lily was glad to have met him!

She moved off towards the Gryffindor table, but he had to know when he could next see her.

'Hey…err…do you want to work on Slughorn's essay with me later.'

She turned. 'Sure, in the Library, that's a common place. I'll be there from around…7:30.'

'See you.'

He felt lighter than air. He'd found a subject he was good at, Lily still wanted to be friends, and he was going to see her later. He was in a very benign mood, surely everyone was just lovely.

'Hey Snivellus, saw you talking to Evans' said a voice behind him. Inwardly he groaned. Of course, Black and Potter.

_3_

Severus ran down to the dungeons, slipping on the mouldy stairs, his cloak billowing behind him. He slammed to door shut in an empty classroom and grabbed a strand of his lank hair, pushing it in front of his eyes. He almost leapt backwards at the brightness of it. Pink! He cursed Potter's gang with some words he'd picked up from his parents, but would never have said in front of them.

Quickly he rooted in his bag and pulled out his charms textbook. He flicked the pages until he found a colour-change charm. He muttered the incantation, his wand pointed at his lurid hair. But instead of changing back to black, it started flashing. He tried the charm again. His hair curled itself into ringlets. He felt like yelling. Clearly they hadn't just used a basic colour-change spell. They'd modified it. Gits.

He stood still for 10 seconds, gathering the anger and hatred that made him want to swear and yell and punch things. He wrapped it up and hid it away somewhere. An emotionless mask slid over his face. Good. Keep calm, keep control. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, it makes for an easy target.

He shoved the charms book back into his bag and pulled out his potions one. Suddenly there was a creaking sound of the door being slowly pushed open. He ran to it, slamming it hard against the frame and snarling 'colloportus.'

A cool voice from the other side of the door spoke. 'That's not a third year spell Severus.'

Severus relaxed, and undid the spell. 'I know Lil, but it's useful.' He paused. 'You're not going to laugh are you?'

'When have I ever laughed at you after one of their little pranks?'

'They're not 'little pranks,'' he replied bitterly.

She pushed the door open, and said in a tired voice, 'they are Sev, and you'd do better to take them that way. You'd get more people on your side if you just pranked them back instead of trying to curse Peter.'

'No-one's ever on my side.'

She looked affronted. 'Well I am. And it's jolly hard to defend you sometimes.'

Severus couldn't think of anything to say to this without sounding rude, so he went back to rifling through his potions book.

'Why don't you just use a colour-change charm?' she asked.

'I tried and it just made it worse.'

'Yeah, I thought it wasn't curly before.'

'Nor was it flashing,' he muttered darkly. She giggled. Severus frowned. 'I thought you said you weren't going to laugh.'

'Oh come on Sev. You have flashing pink ringlets.' He continued to frown. 'Maybe _you_ could even try laughing. Or just smiling. Go on, smile for me Sev,' she said teasingly. 'Just think of Potter with your pink hair…or Black…'

He couldn't help it. She always made things better. He smiled, and she gave him mock applause.

'I still have to find a hair changing potion though,' he said.

'Oh don't worry, Mary pointed one out to me that turns your hair blond in Teen Witch. We can just modify that. I'll go get it.'

She ran out the room, her red hair swinging in a sheet behind her. He breathed deeply and grinned.

After about ten minutes she returned, panting and clutching a magazine to her chest. Severus had set up a cauldron and had selected several likely ingredients. She sat down and put the magazine on the floor in front of her. He sat cross legged opposite her and grimaced at the front cover. A muscled, blond man was flexing his biceps and pouting stupidly. Around him were taglines such as 'My boyfriend's a squib, and my family don't approve,' and 'Customize your robes to flatter your figure.'

'You actually read this stuff,' he asked incredulously.

'Of course,' she replied matter-of-factly, 'how else would I get tips on boys, cosmetic charms, the latest fashions?' Her eyes twinkled brightly and he laughed. He liked laughing.

She rifled through the magazine until she came to a page with the heading 'Going blond without a wand – fancy a boy with a passion for flaxen? Then try our perfect potion to give you honey coloured locks.'

They scanned the list of ingredients.

'We'll need to add squid ink … and remove the honey, dandelions, buttercups etc.' muttered Severus.

'Yeah. Possibly we should add some puff-skein spleen – for the pink y'know.' She grabbed a quill and began to scribble her words into the margin, her writing becoming almost illegible. But Severus was used to reading what he called her 'potions scrawl.'

'And one billywig sting,' finished Lily with a flourish. She went to the store cupboard while he adjusted the flames on the cauldron. They worked in a peaceable quiet, occasionally talking about lessons or friends, but mostly concentrating on the potion. Severus felt truly content, despite the continued pinkness of his hair. Lily was the only person he'd trust with a potion.

Finally they finished, leaving a thick, gloopy, black mess in the cauldron. Severus scooped up some of it and rubbed it vigorously into his hair. They began to pack the stuff away, Lily chattering happily now, while Severus tried to ignore the odd tingling on his scalp.

'We ought to copy that potion down somewhere,' said Severus.

'Yeah, Mary might decide that black's much more attractive than blond this year,' joked Lily. But she went and copied the potion onto some spare parchment with a couple of neat flicks from her wand, and then removed their notes form the magazine.

'I was thinking more about if they changed _my _hair again.'

'Oh they won't try the same trick twice,' she replied lightly, 'they put a lot of effort into these pranks.'

'Great. Glad to hear I'm not getting sub-standard treatment,' he muttered resentfully. Lily rolled her eyes.

'Well, see you tomorrow for potions homework right?' she said, cleanly closing the subject of Potter's gang.

'Definitely,' he replied with conviction. His meetings with Lily, if only for homework, were the undisputed high points of his life. There was no one else he could talk to properly. And no one else could make him really laugh.

_5 (i)_

Severus stood in a corner of Flourish & Blotts, clutching the small bag of money that he'd finally convinced Mum to let him have. It had taken a whole holiday of persuasion to get her to agree that, at 15, it might be a good idea for Severus to start receiving pocket money. She'd assumed he'd spend it on sweets and drinks in Hogsmeade, but Severus had other plans. Besides, he didn't go into Hogsmeade unless he desperately needed something. Potter's gang were much too lively when they were allowed out from under the teachers' eyes.

He looked up and down the rows of potions books. Glossy covers for household drafts and thick, dusty volumes full of obscure potions with few uses. He caught sight of a book called Advanced Potion-Making by Libatious Borage. He flipped it open and scanned the contents. All the potions in short, he thought, needed for NEWTs.

'Well well, trying to get ahead in the game I see,' said a mock serious voice behind him.

He looked around, and his jaw dropped. She had grown up this summer. At nearly 16, Lily no longer looked like a child, and she seemed to have bypassed the frequent break-outs of adolescence. The spattering of freckles that had always covered her nose and cheeks had faded slightly, and her hair was cut in a fashionable bob, so that short, silky strands framed her face. She was wearing a low-cut dark green top which made her eyes gleam. She was no longer just pretty or cute, she was –

'Beautiful' mouthed Severus.

'Sorry?'

He blushed. 'Uhhh…love…I mean like the new,' he gulped, 'new hair.'

'Oh thanks,' she said casually. ' I wasn't sure about cutting it so short, but I figured that if I'm going to make mistakes, I may as well do it now.' She waved a copy of Advanced Potion-Making in front of him. 'I'm gonna get one too. Bit of a break from OWLs.' She grinned. 'I'm such a geek aren't I Sev.'

'Oh no,' said Severus, trying to make his voice sound as off-hand as hers. 'If you're a geek then what does that make me.'

She laughed, throwing her head back. 'How true. At least I'm cool compared to you.'

He would have hexed anyone else. But he wasn't even offended. Because it was Lily, and he couldn't be that uncool, because she was talking to him. 'Ouch,' he said, and she laughed again.

'So,' she said, after she had stopped laughing. 'Looking forward to OWLs this year?'

'Ugh. Homework and depressingly dull lectures about how important these exams are for our future. What a fun year it's going to be.'

They carried on in this vein for some time, until Lily said she had to go. Severus sighed as she walked off, but they'd made plans to meet up in the first week of term, and maybe have a crack at one of these advanced potions. He glanced at the back cover of the book in his hand, and then quickly swapped it for a cheaper, second hand one. Once he'd paid for it, he looked at the publication details. It was 50 years old.

_5 (ii)_

It was Christmas Eve and Severus was fed up. He'd been doing homework all last night (yes, he knew it was Christmas, but it wasn't like he was otherwise engaged) and now the suits of armour were singing bloody Christmas carols at him. His head was pounding and he craved some peace and quiet. So he had come down to the dungeons and was looking around for an empty classroom. He had already peered into one to glimpse an oblivious couple snogging on the desks so had backed out swiftly. Peeves was in another, and Severus wasn't in the mood to deal with the poltergeist's antics.

He opened the door of the next room, and was surprised to see a dark red head bending over a book. Surprised because Lily was nearly always surrounded by giggling girls, or even swooning boys, (i.e. Potter). If Severus hadn't met up with her every couple of weeks for some extra potions homework, he thought he might have gone mad from not seeing her.

He coughed. 'Uh, hello,' he said to announce his presence.

She looked up, and Severus was surprised to see the dark circles under her eyes, and the paleness of her normally bright skin. She smiled wearily.

'Come in Sev.'

'What are you doing here Lil?' he asked gently, then remembered that sort of question was rude, and blushed.

She didn't notice. 'Oh, y'know, just looking for some peace.'

'Do you want me to go away?'

'Oh! No, I don mind _you,' _She said pointedly.

He sat down carefully at her feet. 'What's up?'

She looked like she really didn't want to say anything, but he smiled encouragingly, and it all spilled out in a rush.

'Everyone keeps coming to me with their problems. Mary wants to go out with Sam Davies in Ravenclaw and seems to think I have some sort of charm for it, and Jane keeps crying on my shoulder after every one of her and Colin's fights, and Karina's still devastated over _her _breakup, and I'm helping Peter with Charms, and Potter keeps following me around and embarrassing me in front of my friends, and I'm trying to do all my own work, and I honestly wouldn't mind all of this, but Mum says Tuney's getting married, but she won't answer any of my owls, and she's my sister, but no one wants to hear about that, because it's all to do with muggles and I'm so mixed up and…' she paused to gasp, on the brink of tears.

On impulse, Severus got up and put his arms round her. He regretted it almost instantly, but she leaned into him and breathed deeply, trying to regain control. So he held onto her until she seemed calm.

There was an awkward silence, in which Severus tried desperately to think of something to say. But he had never been any good at consoling people, and whenever he was upset he came down here to brew a potion.

'Do you want to…make a potion?' he asked tentatively. She said nothing. 'To take your mind off things…'

There were a few seconds pause. Severus wondered if she was going to start crying at his insensitivity. But then she nodded slowly.

'Yeah. Yeah, it's ages since we've just brewed a potion for fun.' She seemed to warm to the idea. 'In fact, let's have a race. I bet I can finish…Amortentia before you can do the Draught of Living Death.'

Severus grinned. 'Done.'

For the next two hours they worked happily , Lily's eyes brightening as she focussed solely on her work, and Severus felt his headache recede completely.

He was just about to add the last ingredient to his potion, a single drop of Taipan snake venom, when she exclaimed loudly.

'And finished. Done! I win!'

'Damn. One more ingredient. Yours must have been easier,' he said in a teasing voice. Secretly, he was almost glad she'd won. He wouldn't have let her win, but he was glad all the same.

'Nonsense, now finish your potion then come and have a look at mine.'

He carefully added the venom, then walked over to Lily's cauldron. Spiralling clouds of steam rose from the shimmering surface of the potion.

'What do you smell?' he asked quietly.

She seemed to consider the question, inhaling deeply, before saying …

'Lilies.'

He rolled his eyes and thy both laughed. 'You're so narcissistic,' he said and she laughed again.

'Alright, just joking. There's… strawberries…and a…floral scent .. can't quite place it…and something I think I might have smelt in the forbidden forest, like an animal. She looked confused. 'What about you?'

He breathed in slowly, before looking at her, unsure of what to say.

'You. Just you.'

She didn't yell, or shout, or run away. He leaned forward, ever so slightly. He looked into her beautiful green eyes and leaned forward too, so that they were close, so close. Their lips met.

Later, when Severus was lying back on his bed, watching the silver moonlight stream in through the skylight, he felt the tug of an irrepressible smile. Surely nothing, nothing could go wrong now.

_7_

Severus ran to the library, his heart pounding, and his had reeling with the conversation he'd just overheard.

He'd been walking along the charms corridor when he'd heard voices he recognised in a room to his right. He'd performed a tricky spell that extended his range of hearing, and sat down a little way along from the room to listen.

'What's with all the secretive behaviour James?'

'This isn't something I want the wrong people hearing.' He sounded worried.

'I'm all ears.'

'Look Lily, this isn't something you have to do. Dumbledore told me to ask you, and I didn't want to but –'

'Why not?' she interrupted coolly.

He heard a strangled, gulping sort of noise. 'Because I'm worried sick about you, how do you think I'd feel if you get hurt and I'd asked you to do it. Do you think I want…you…tangled up in this?' Severus was horrified to hear the almost hysterical edge in Potter's normally smooth voice.

Lily's reply was gentle. 'James, I'm already involved. You know I couldn't not be involved in something as important as this, particularly when you lot are all so deeply immersed.'

'I know,' he said, and he sounded tired, not arrogant or pretending, ' I know Lily, so I'll ask. Basically… me and the boys and you now, and a couple of the other seventh years…Dumbledore needs. Strictly aside from N.E., he wants us to join his…Order.' His voice became stronger. 'To fight him, You-know-who...'

'Voldemort,' she said calmly. 'And yes James, yes. I'll fight him because of what he's done, and because of what he's going to do. We'll stop him.'

She sounded so god-damned confident. So sure, so optimistic, idealistic. Whereas Severus had always tied himself strictly to reality.

'I know Lily, that's why I…'

He had fled then, knowing what was going to come, and hating to hear it. The jagged hole in his life had still steadfastedly refused to heal.

So he was running to the library now, terrified. Lily was going to join Dumbledore's lot. He cursed Potter. He should have kept her safe, lied to Dumbledore that she'd simply refused. He knew the death rate of Dumbledore' gang, and his forays into Death Eater circles had only told him that it was going to increase.

He had to do something t protect her, to warn her. But what? He'd tried too many times to talk to her since that day. The day which made him want to grab a hundred time-turners, to go back and stun, or even kill himself before he'd said that hateful word. But he couldn't, and she'd told him to stop talking to her. So he'd become a dark shadow, watching and waiting from a distance, in a fruitless attempt to protect her.

He dashed through to the potions section and reached up, pulling down book after book, desperate for inspiration. Finally he slumped down in front of the haphazard mountain. He glanced left and saw a 2nd year staring at him. Severus turned and gave him a nasty, sneering glare. The boy darted off, and Severus hastily cast a distraction charm.

He glanced aimlessly over the books, throwing them aside with a frustrated glare as they failed to give him any ideas. Finally, on the cover of a thin book entitled, 'Potions to ensnare him,' he saw a picture of a bright gold potion. He remembered Slughorn showing them another gold potion. One with small droplets which leapt above the surface, jumping and splashing as though playing some bizarre game of leapfrog. Felix Felicis! He would brew her vials and vials of the stuff, send he golden chocolates and golden wine. She would always get lucky, curses would always miss, warnings would always arrive just in time.

He almost flew down to the potions labs, not knowing or caring who saw him. But there was not many people to see his passing, as everyone was outside on this bright, sunny Saturday. But he had never liked the sun. Perhaps because he'd never had anyone to enjoy it with. He locked the door of the dark , dank room.

4 hours later and the potion was a sludgy green colour. Severus scowled down at it. 6 months to stew now. He wondered where he could keep it. But he could work that out later, right now he had to make more, much more.. He checked his watch. He was already past curfew. He considered moving to his own room, but he didn't want to waste seemingly precious time. 'muffliato' he said, pointing his wand at the door. He paused, then moved his wad in several complex motions, muttering as he did so. Hopefully anyone trying to enter his door tonight would hear a noise in the distance and go to investigate.

By Sunday evening, there were ten cauldrons of the weird, dark substance pressed against the wall. Severus sat down in front of his line of cauldrons. He'd brewed himself an interesting mixture of an alertness draft and a wakefulness potion at about 5 in the morning, but now he needed real sleep to keep him from possibly damaging the potions.

He fished out a vial from his robes and performed an undetectable extension charm on it. He then lifted the potion out of each cauldron with his wand, to pour it into the vial. The liquid whirled around him, spinning high above his head before running down his wand into the endless glass tube. He corked and pocketed it, planning to transfer it into cauldrons in the room of hidden things. There he could keep them, let them stew for months, until the green had lifted and the gold appeared.

A wave of nausea passed over him as he tried to move, and for a few seconds he was blind. When he recovered, he tentatively took a step, and was surprised at the stabbing pains in his leg. Clearly he'd been standing for longer than was healthy. When brewing, it seemed that his body channelled excess energy into his mind and hands, so that unimportant things like legs were forgotten.

He continued to walk towards the door. He briefly wondered how he was going to give the potion to Lily. But he had months to come up with that one, and even if it meant collaborating with _him _he would try. As he opened the door and stepped out into the corridor, he wasn't looking where he was going.

And as a result, he bumped into someone.

He stepped back hurriedly, and stifled a groan.

'Why hello Mr Snape,' said Professor Dumbledore. Severus said nothing. 'I was walking along this corridor when I heard a large crash from the floor above. Naturally, I hastened to investigate. And so it would happen, that what I thought was a crash was merely a magically instigated distraction, the spell for which could be traced back here. Upon returning, I was intrigued to find my ears filled with an untraceable buzzing, and I admit, that is a spell I have not come across before.'

Still Severus said nothing. Dumbledore didn't exactly sound angry, but there was an edge to his voice which Severus didn't trust. Dumbledore was looking carefully at him, and suddenly seemed to notice the black circles under his eyes, and the waxy pallor of his skin.

'How long have you been in that room Mr Snape?' he asked sharply, but he sounded concerned.

And suddenly Severus felt angry, anger that he hadn't felt in years. Anger at the man who refused to let events flow as they would, who had to be such a Gryffindor with such arrogance that he would ask others to stand with him. Who would risk Lily Evans's life for his own devilish schemes. He tried to smother the anger, to mask his emotions, but he was too tired, he was loosing control…

'Well, someone had to try and clear up the mess you're making,' he said in a voice that was black ice.

The blue eyes were burning into him, trying to see past his face. And Snape felt a dawning horror. He focussed his mind on black, only black, burning away the red anger. Empty, grey-scale, flat, matte black.'

'Mr Snape, I am not about to break into your mind' said a calm voice, a voice blue beyond the black.

'Then how would you know I was protecting it.'

'Because I am always aware of when someone has an open mind, and yours, whilst never particularly _open _has just snapped shut like a book.'

Severus shivered. He would have to work out how Dumbledore did that.

Dumbledore seemed to consider him. 'You are a truly gifted oclumens Mr Snape. I would not have enjoyed trying to break into your mind. You have power.'

'Not as much as you.'

'Oh I wouldn't say that. After all, apparently I am making a huge mess of things.'

Again, Severus decided on silence.

'I assume of course, you are referring to my inclusion of Miss Evans in my plans to make a stance against Lord Voldemort.'

Severus was shocked – and slightly afraid. How could he know about… about his private life? But of course, Dumbledore knew everything that went on in this wretched school, and if he knew nothing of his shattered life now, he certainly knew of their closeness once.

He looked up at the man, who was staring down at him through half-moon spectacles, his eyes reflecting concern. But Severus rejected it, the time for pity was long over, thrown away with the light of childish dreams.

'Is there anything else, Sir?' he asked, in dull voice.

Dumbledore sighed. 'No. I wish I could tell you to make a better choice, but I fear that you have already chosen.'

Severus walked away, deliberately avoiding turning to face the blue eyes he could feel staring at his retreating back.

_0_

He never did give her the golden gifts.

He wished that he had done.

**AN: Please Review! I would absolutely LOVE to know what you think (I'll always respond!). **


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